A Message to My Sistas
by Assata Shakur

At this time I’d like to say a few words especially to my sisters: SISTERS. BLACK PEOPLE WILL NEVER BE FREE UNLESS BLACK WOMEN PARTICIPATE IN EVERY ASPECT OF OUR STRUGGLE, ON EVERY LEVEL OF OUR STRUGGLE. I think that Black women, more than anybody on the face of the earth, recognize the urgency of our situation. Because it is We who come face to face daily with the institutions of our oppression. And because it is We who have borne the major responsibility of raising our children. And it is We who have to deal with the welfare systems that do not care about the welfare of our children. And it is We who have to deal with the school systems that do not educate our children. It is We who have to deal with the racist teachers who teach our children to hate themselves. It is We who have seen the terrible effects of racism on our children. I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT OUT TO EXPRESS MY LOVE TO ALL OF YOU WHO RISK YOUR LIVES DAILY STRUGGLING OUT HERE ON THE FRONT LINES. We who have watched our young grow too old, too soon. We who have watched our children come home angry and frustrated and seen them grow more bitter, more disillusioned with the passing of each day. And We who have seen the sick, trapped look on the faces of our children when they come to fully realize what it means to be Black in Amerikkka. And we know what deprivation is. How many times have We run out of bus fare, rent money, food money and how many times have our children gone to school in hand-me-down clothes, with holes in their shoes. We know what a hell-hole Amerikkka is. We’re afraid to let our children go out and play. We’re afraid to walk the streets at night. We sisters, We have seen our young, the babies that We brought into this world with such great hopes for, We have seen their bodies bloated and aching from drugs, scarred and deformed by bullet holes. We know what oppression is. We have been abused in every way imaginable. We have been abused economically, politically. We have been abused physically, and We have been abused sexually. And sisters, We have a long and glorious history of struggle on this land/planet. Afrikan women were strong and courageous warriors long before We came to this country in chains. And here in Amerikkka, our sisters have been on the front lines. Sister Harriet Tubman led the underground railroad. And sisters like Rosa Parks, Fannie Lou Hammer, Sandra Pratt and our Queen Mother Moore have carried it on. Sisters, We have been the backbone of our communities, and We have got to be the backbone of our nation. We have got to build strong family units, based on love and struggle. We don’t have no time to play around.

A REVOLUTIONARY WOMAN CAN’T HAVE NO REACTIONARY MAN.

If he’s not about liberation, if he’s not about struggle, if he ain’t about building a strong Black nation then he ain’t about nothing. We know how to struggle. We know how to struggle and finagle to survive. We know what it means, sisters, to struggle tooth and nail. We know what it means to struggle with love. We know what unity is. We know what sisterhood is. We have always been kind to each other, brought each other hot soup and biscuits. We have always helped each other through the hard times. Sisters, We must celebrate Afrikan womanhood. We don’t want to be like Miss Ann. She can keep her false eyelashes and her false, despoiled image of womanhood. She can keep her mink stole and her French provincial furniture. We will define for ourselves what womanhood is. And We will create our own style and our own ways of dress. We can’t have no white man in France telling Afrikan women what to look like. We will create our own New Afrikan way of living. We will create our own way of being and living our own New Afrikan culture, taking the best of the old and mixing it with the new.

SISTERS WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES AND OUR FUTURE WHEREVER WE ARE. AND WE HAVE GOT TO ORGANIZE OURSELVES INTO A STRONG BODY OF AFRIKAN WOMEN.

assata

The 8-month courtship and the 60-day living-together situation was not all bad. There were quite a few good times had by the three of us, living together. Those good times are what cause me to still have an inkling of hope — that yes, I CAN have a sister-wife, I AM good at it, and I CAN have a happy life in it, if everyone does what they need to do.
I like having someone to laugh with throughout the day. I like sharing errands. I like hearing him get goofy with her. I like having a third brain to pick. I like having someone who, if *I’m* not interested in what he’s about to go do, *she’s* interested, and they go. Or if he’s not interested in what one of us is about to go do, the *other* sister is interested, and she’ll accompany.
All three people can benefit from the relationship. Our relationship is good by itself. There isn’t anything missing between us. But for the right person, there’s always room for one more.

We don’t have to be alike. We don’t have to look alike, we don’t have to dress alike. We don’t have to have the same opinion. But if you are a team player, if you look at the situation and say “yes, I see where help is needed here” (like washing the dishes or grabbing the kids for a minute, or seeing that I’ve cooked 3 meals a day for 7 days already) and you just get in there and do what is needed…
That is so very do-able.
I’m not pushy. I’m not mean. I don’t need “my space” and rarely need “me time”. If I feel wronged, I say so. If I feel like I’m not getting attention from him, I’ll make it known, but it’s rare. I’ll let you be how you gone be (provided that being mean is not the mindset).
My husband has three sisters. They have their lives. Two have children. When they come to visit, they are amazing women. If I’m cooking and cleaning, they’re either participating or taking all the kids outside. They may ask to cook one night. My husband may ask them to cook (because it may be a meal they do really well and he misses it so he’ll ask).
If I’m washing dishes, they sweeping a rug. They’re supervising the children cleaning their rooms while I’ll washing this or that…
Not asking for a maid. No. I’m my own maid. But if you’re living in a place, if you feel obligated to get up and assist when you see people doing shit stuff, then hey…that’d be nice.
I like teamwork. Makes the dreamwork, aheheh.

Because, like, Cepha used to like to take the kids hiking (through some woods and stuff but majority of it has been turned into a parking lot for the mega church near our house… smh). And I didn’t care to go on those hikes. There’s mud, there’s slipping. There’s tripping, there’s mosquitos. The possibility of encountering some wild animal or feral dog/cat. Rabid raccoons or squirrels.
No thanks, lol.
But SHE would go hiking with him. She wanted to.
Great. I’d rather wash these dishes, lol. Washing dishes helps me think, and I like it.

It’s good that two people can be there for each other on things and be a team.
It’s good that three people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that four people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that five people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
TeamWork is good.

*sigh*
Where IS that person? (This girl didn’t care to wake up early in the morning and share a cup of coffee before he left for work. That’s okay? But THAT would be nice, too — for everyone to be up, before the kids, drinking coffee, discussing shit stuff. Making plans. Impromptu family meeting. Impromptu business meeting. It’s great.)

Alright I’m done. I’m at this store ashy today — BUT ITS EVIDENCE THAT I SHOWERED FO’ I LEFF THE HOUSE!!!
…let me put on my awesome body butter that my homeboy is making. Stop being ashy in front of folks.
It’s rude.

This could be us -- but we'onno whurr yu r! lol

This could be us — but we’onno whurr yu r! lol

Peace.

Good morning.
No one is perfect. Nothing in life is perfect. There’s always going to be something going on.
There’s not even such a thing as “perfect for you”…unless you’re one of those that sees the perfection in imperfection. I’d call that being an optimist, I suppose. A dreamer. Let’s try to be a realist.
Stop running. Stop going from this one, to that one, to that one over there, seeking perfection. You will not find it.
Look inside yourself for what’s missing. Happiness and peace is inside you. Inside you is the only place to find it. You won’t find it anywhere else or in any one else. Until you find it inside you, you will never truly be happy, you will never fully have peace.
Peace and happiness is within because The Most High is within.
Go within. You will not find Him outside of your own self.

*sigh*

 

This is a lesson written by the Elder Mōréh Qănăă, in a polygyny group on Facebook. I felt it was post-worthy and preservative-worthy. So I copied and pasted it and I give him major accolades and praise The Most High for the knowledge this man has imparted! Hope you enjoy it as I enjoyed it.

Shalom (a greeting of Peace). My name is Qanaa Bén Yehuwdah. I am an Elder, and a “Moreh” (Teacher) within the African Hebrew Community in the American diaspora. I joined this group to help contribute to the dialog on “Polygyny” from a Biblical perspective. Yet before on may intelligently discuss “polygyny” thy must first understand the origins of “Monogamy” and who gave it to us, and why they enforce it by law!

From a Scriptural standpoint, there is no difference between “Monogamy” and “Polygyny”. However, there is a profound difference between European/Western Marriage, and African and middle-eastern Marriage. Namely, that the European/Western paradigm of “matrimony” is by definition, and institution negotiated to support and perpetuate what I like to call “matronage”.

Let’s first look at a few of these words:

PATER: (pronounced pay-tur), a noun defined as father . ORIGIN Latin, and later Germanic (English).

PATRIARCH: noun, characteristic of a system of society or government controlled by men.

PATRON: noun, a person who gives financial or other support to a person, organization, cause, or activity : ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French, from Latin patronus ‘protector of clients, defender,’ from pater, patr- ‘father.

It is clear by these European definitions, that men traditionally held authority in their homes as fathers and patrons, and in their Governments as Patriarchs.

Now, look at these European definitions:

MATER (pronounced may-tur) a noun defined as mother . ORIGIN Latin, and later Germanic (English).

MATRIARCH: adjective, a woman who is the head of a family or tribe. • an older woman who is powerful within a family or organization : a domineering matriarch.

MATRON: noun, a married woman, esp. a dignified and sober middle-aged one, in charge of domestic arrangements.

Okay, now let’s look at “inheritance” within the same European paradigm:

MATRILINEAL: adjective, kinship to the mother or the female line. ORIGIN late Middle English : via Old French from Latin matrimonium, based on mater, matr- ‘mother.’

PATRILINEAL: No such word exists!

PATRIMONY, adjective, property inherited from one’s father or male ancestor. ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French patrimoine, from Latin patrimonium, from pater, patr- ‘father.’

MATRIMONY: noun, the state or ceremony of being married; marriage : a couple joined in matrimony | the sacrament of holy matrimony. ORIGIN late Middle English : via Old French from Latin matrimonium, based on mater, matr- ‘mother.’

In aggregate, it should be clear that the European family paradigm is one of men and women inheriting from the fathers, men paying dowry for brides, and marrying into HER family’s possessions through matrimony. It is the family line of the woman, that controls marriage, and wealth, not the man’s. He controls the woman, and by extension, HER matrilineal inheritance.

The Roman Emperor, Diocletian and co-Emperor Maximilian passed strict anti-polygamy laws in 285 AD that mandated monogamy as the only form of legal marital relationship, as had traditionally been the case in classical Greece and Rome.[citation needed] In 393, the Byzantine Emperor Theodosius I issued an imperial edict to extend the ban on polygamy to Hebrew communities.

Christian European insistence on monogamy and its enforcement arose as a consequence of 16th Century Islamic incursions into Central Europe and the advent of European colonialism within the Americas, Africa and Asia, which exposed European Christians to cultures that practiced polygamy. As a consequence, nominal Christian male bigamists were subjected to unprecedented harsh punishments, such as execution, galley servitude, exile, and prolonged imprisonment.

Protestantism dropped the Catholic imperative of Matrilineal control of property, which was instituted by Rome to guarantee Papal control of land-based taxation, but in British Colonies (occupying other countries by force) land ownership was strictly Patriarchal, yet marriage remained Matrimonial.

This is what governs American Marriage til this very day! Monogamous Marriage is the legally enforced European restriction on how many sons a man may legally produce, thus insuring that no “Clan” may rise to the stature of “nation” over many generations, within the borders of any European, or American Country. This is also why divorce, and abortion are legal in the United States.

Now, the European Paradigm of Monogamous Matrimony is failing all but the most financially sound marriages, and many of those are divorces just waiting to happen, as the pressure to “satisfy” and entrain one’s spouse becomes the only marital benefit that most couples can afford!

Contrary to “hypothetical” belief. Multi-Wife marriages produce more prosperity, greater emotional security for both mother and children, and more unanimity of internal family values, that monogamous give-me-what-I-want marriages. In fact, nearly all Monogamous marriages in the United States are based on pure harlotry! That is to say, trying to cultivate a sexual attraction, into a committed relationship based on the fulfillment of “expectations”. What s “crap-shoot” that is, and there is no mediator to keep anyone objective! Done with all of that madness…

How many parents of daughters raised to expect monogamy, have been able to deliver a bride that has had less than 5 men run through her before marriage? How can girls be allowed to have sex with multiple partners, be taught to restrain themselves to a single husband, without expecting him to justify why she should not leave him and move on to the next man, every day of his life?

Conversely, the man who marries more than one woman does not “move on” he builds up, and they build up with him unless THEY decide to leave.

There was this whole campaign this past year to define my husband as a predator and in a negative light. I’m really wanting to get past all this nonsense, but every once in a while I get this itch and this need to say something about it. I DO like journaling, and have always kept a diary. I started my first diary at age 8, and kept one most of my youth, up into meeting my husband.
A predator is: a person or group that ruthlessly exploits others.
This girl, that we courted, that we TRIED to build a life with, refers to him as a predator and all her silly, fat friends enjoy running around helping her disseminate this bullshit.
Let’s get some things straight — and some of what I’m saying has been said in this blog before?? But I’ma say it all again so I can paint my picture here.

1. We made a video of our courting experience before we met this person. Everyone’s watched it. At the time of this writing, the video has received more than 13K views. What we talk about in the video is what we’d perceived as courtships at the time. The video discusses two separate experiences, with two sisters, with whom we chatted, texted, emailed, and spoke to on the phone for a couple of months each (one longer than the other; but the actual timeline is of no consequence, being that I am not known for retaining actual knowledge of the passing of time on events…forgive me). These women, we intended on meeting face to face at some point, but both situations for very different reasons, went kaput before that could actually occur.
2. My husband, for ten years, has never slept with anyone else, with the exception of this woman we tried to build a life with. — Do you hear that?
3. These three women expressed interest in OUR family. NOT the other way around. My husband did not initiate pursuit of these women, they “met” me, first, and struck up a friendship with me.
4. The two women mentioned on the video, if ever found and interviewed about my husband’s interactions with them, could NEVER, EVER say that he was EVER inappropriate with them in conversation — meaning NEVER did they have sexual conversation, never did sexting occur, never were sexual pictures exchanged. The relationships were early and new, and that was not my husband’s focus with them.
5. My husband has only shown interest in two OTHER women besides the three previously mentioned. This interest has been shown in the past 6 months, and was begun “publicly” in Polygyny: EBF, so that everyone was aware of his “possible” intentions with these two women.
6. If these two women were ever contacted and asked, NEITHER OF THEM could ever say that he ever became inappropriate with them in conversation — meaning, once again, no sexting occurred, no sexual images were imparted from him to them, no sexual conversation was had. (note that these are women he DID pursue)

Here is my point:

I hear so many fucked up polygyny stories, so many messed up relationship situations… I hear so many negative things about some of the men in these families and in Polygyny: EBF. You got men that within the first week or so he already talking about sex with the woman, they already discussing what they like and don’t like, they already PLANNING to have sex with each other when they meet, or he’s PRESSURING her to have sex when they meet. He’s already asking for pics, or sending her pics of himself. They ALREADY skype-sexing with each other (is there a word for that?). They planning secret rendezvous with these women behind their existing wives’ backs, saying stuff like “While I’m traveling, I’ll stop by and meet up with you and we can _______” and “my wife/wives don’t know, so don’t tell them because they wouldn’t approve. I’ll just slowly work you into the family.” These men are waiting at the “front door” of the group and jumping on every single woman that “walks through the door”. Bombarding her with inbox messages, friend requests, seeming DESPERATE and THIRSTY as all get out.
I hear that your husbands don’t consider you and YOUR feelings — some of them, if you say no about a particular woman as a fit for your family — I hear they STILL privately after the sister, scheming behind their wives back and trying to get them and if they NOT trying to bring you in as a wife, they trying to bed you and move on like that didn’t happen.

But what do you hear of my husband? MY HUSBAND DOESN’T FIT ANY OF THIS SHIT. And there’s NO WOMAN that you can find in any part of this polygyny matrix that could tell you that he was in ANY WAY inappropriate in his dealings with her.

Here’s more:

1. We SAID we owned a house and we own a house. It’s got 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. It’s got a decent sized front and back yard, and it’s on a quiet street with little to no young people on it. This woman who we were trying to build a life with had the choice of sleeping in our already-existing bedroom (because I’m a co-bedder and I always have been) or sleeping in the guestroom, which would have eventually been her room.
2. We SAID we were going to start a business and we started that business. We started it within 9 months of DECIDING to start it. It’s not some giant store but it’s a nice store, and for it’s size it’s successful and can’t go anywhere but up.
3. We SAID we homeschool our children and we DO homeschool our children (I fell back on the homeschooling while the woman we were trying to build with was here, because while she SAID she was homeschooling her babies, she wasn’t, and so I was not going to stop what I was working on to spend the summer teaching children how to read. Teaching kids how to read is extremely taxing, it’s stressful and while I’ve taught two children how to fully read and read well, even if they don’t know what the words actually mean, I feel like each child needs individual attention on that, and I had no more attention to give on the subject when I’ve got mine to deal with. Didn’t seem like she was interested in getting that hands-on with the situation with her kids and I was way too busy to take over for her in that respect. At the very least she knows the dining room was set up for school). Our children’s knowledge on specific subject matter and comprehension skills is evidence of that.
4. We are NOT on any type of government assistance (not that I really knock it if you need it…or want it…and can get it).
5. We are preppers. Not in theory. In action. It’s part of our lifestyle to plan for TEOTWAWKI/SHTF.
6. We work out. Not ALL the time — but our bodies look how they do because we DO take an interest in it. I have my spurts where I’m working out daily, then three days/week and sometimes I ain’t working out at all. But what I’m doing and NOT doing certainly shows.

My point on these:

So many of y’all are saying things about yourselves that aren’t even true. Are you REALLY an activist? Are you REALLY a counselor? Are you REALLY working out? Do you REALLY own that house? Are you REALLY doing the things you say you’re doing?
ALOT of y’all are lying. ANYONE WHO’S MET US IN REAL LIFE CAN TELL YOU THAT WE DO WHAT WE SAY WE’RE GOING TO DO.

…y’all some lying, vicious, deceitful, bitter, negative, hateful, jealous ass bitches. And I know y’all are happy to have each other to bond with and be close to.
But my husband doesn’t fit the description of a predator — meanwhile most of your husbands and homeboys DO fit it, to a TEE.
She was mad because my husband doesn’t mince words. If he thinks you’re wrong, he’ll say it. If he thinks you need to change something that you’re doing, or something about you, he’ll say it. He’s going to give you the TRUTH about yourself, unfiltered.
She didn’t like what he said. Ya’ll don’t LIKE real, and you don’t like honesty and truth. Because the saying’s true — the truth DOES hurt…

My husband is NOT a predator. He tried to build a life with a woman, who portrayed herself to be ONE WAY when she was really, much much more sinister (YOU wanna talk about TRANSFORMERS?!? Bwahahahaha! hilarious).
Keep letting her cry to you with her distortions if you like. She LIKED our family, she KNEW that type of situation was what she wanted for her LIFE. It’s why she betrays herself and calls us her prototype family — it’s why her children STILL ask for us (because with us they had stability, order, and were learning discipline, control and focus… all these things are things that children NEED…when they don’t get them, their lives are tumultuous for them.) Children know bad when they sense bad from people. They never got “bad” from us.

You should be ashamed of yourselves for disseminating that kind of false information — ESPECIALLY SINCE, like I’ve always said to you — YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW US. FOR SHAME. And no — AGAIN, we’re not upset about the break up. We’re upset about her lying to us, we’re upset about the shit she pulled less than a week after him breaking it off with her — that YOU dirty bitches SUPPORT her in.

Seems to me, when I do the lists of what my husband does and doesn’t do, versus what y’all’s husbands do and don’t do — y’all need to be working hard on your OWN families and situations instead of talking bad about mine.

– do y’all talk about us anymore?
I’ll bet you don’t.
What could you possibly say about us right now? Being that there’s so much fucked up about you guys that we don’t have going on.
If y’all are STILL talking about us, once again you worried bout the wrong shit. Your priorities are so very fucked up. That, again, is why you’re a bunch of miserable bitches.
You make your ownselves miserable. Lose weight — tell that man to consider your feelings — get out and make some actual money, stop being lazy — pay attention to your kids — go read some books — just overall go find your ass a seat and better yourself some kind of way because right now?? Right now — remember what y’all kept saying to me?? That’s not a good look (when I was arguing with this woman in the groups about HER actions in a situation that involved she and my family…) THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK, BITCHES, YOU LOOK JEALOUS AND NEGATIVE AND BITTER AND HATEFUL, BITCHES.

In the Beginning, I was very zealous and excited.
I would proselytize everywhere and share it everywhere.
Now for the most part I feel like what I know is lost on people.
And so I don’t waste my time.
Still Torah Observant. Still seeking on building my relationship with The Most High.
I’m just not talking to anyone about it. *shrugs* I talk to my kids about it. They are my focus when it comes to these things. My husband says if you believe in a concept, you should definitely teach it to your children. And so I do.
I even speak to my kids about polygyny. It’s a part of Hebraic life. You WILL meet people where there are more than one wife. And one day, daddy MAY have a second wife. Maybe.

When it comes to my husband and I – 
I have heard some really snarky remarks and I’ve been meaning to address them for MONTHS since I first heard them. I just keep FORGETTING because I am a forgetful sprite and these things DO happen.
People get mad and, when arguing with my husband, don’t want me to intervene or interject. They feel I’m helping him in his argument and that I shouldn’t.
I don’t think you guys understand the concept of unity, of echad, of plural oneness.
WE ARE ONE. You argue with him, you arguing with me, and visa versa. No woman that is not this man’s wife is going to argue with him and me not get involved in that. I don’t know what you think this marriage thing is. If your marriage isn’t like that then guess what I feel SORRY for you. Sounds to me like you don’t give a damn about each other to take the “I’m not in that; that’s him” stance. No. If I have something to say in an argument he’s in, even if it’s with him arguing with a man, I’m going to say it. The ONLY person that would make me NOT say it — is HIM. If HE told me “stay out of this” I will HAPPILY stay out of it. But I have my own mind, my own views, my own opinion and my own points when people are arguing and I will say them. You ain’t got to like it but that is the level of the relationship that we have, over here. I can argue with him, and you can’t. You become his woman, and you can argue with him lol. But ANYBODY else — ANNNNYYYBOOODDDYYYY ELLSSE — don’t expect to argue with him and me not be in on that.
Again, I dunno what you think this is.

We are one. WE ARE ONE. We are two individuals who are interdependent on one another. We are not dependent on people outside of this relationship. WE DONT NEED ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THIS. We are for each other because we are THIS family unit.

Once, we were trying to go on vacation and what was supposed to be a two-hour layover turned into a four-hour layover. We travel alot and we know how to travel with children — when it comes to a layover or a long flight, I make sure they have tons of little toys and coloring books and colors — I tend to steal their toys from their happy meals and store them away for times such as those.
I knew that I had just enough toys to get through the two-hour layover in Atlanta. Snacks and all that.
When it turned into a four-hour layover, I was properly screwed. The kids were fussing, they were arguing, they were crying, as soon as two hours was up lol.
That stress rolled over to me and him. WE became attitudinal, we started fussing and arguing with each other, over what I can’t even remember. But finally the plane came and people were boarding, but he had questions for the airline — what, I can’t recall. But he went over to the desk and asked his question to the flight attendant.
This chick responded in such an EXTREMELY rude manner, I was appalled (it was American Airlines, by the way). My husband’s West Indian (Caribbean), so he’s got an accent even after being here for so long. I could tell that this bitch (SORRY) had her attitude because of him being #1 Black, and #2 a foreigner.
So what happened?
Did I just leave him out there to deal with that alone, because he and I were currently at odds?
NO. I got into action, I walked up to that desk and I scolded that woman and I scolded her SO BADLY she was clutching her chest like she was having a heart attack. I SHAMED her — for SHAME!! — and I told her she was doing him like that because he was black and had an accent. She was like “Ohmagaawddd I wasn’t! I wasn’t!” Yes you were. -_- lol But THEN they somehow scurried around and found him an answer, I know that much.
AINT NO WAAAAAYYY you will get to disrespect MY husband and me not get on you. You’re on one if you think that’s the case.
And if you let women/people that aren’t wives of your husband argue with him and disrespect him? You are one disloyal bitch and you should be checked WITHIN YOURSELF and change that. You must not like him if that’s the case. You are NOT a helpmeet.

And if you think ANYTHING I’ve ever said in my blog or in my videos is wrong about relationships — let me know, but guess who’s been in the same relationship for a decade, guess who’s got all her kids by that ONE man, guess who’s husband is still VERY attracted and “attached” to her?  Guess who’s got a successful family unit that’s low on dysfunction and high on productivity?
Guess who, huh?
I suppose you’d do well to listen if you’re not doing as well as or better than we are.
And you DO know, that the ONLY reason I say these things these days is because of the monster you hating me/hating on me has caused me to become.
As I said before, all this has had a major effect on my way of thinking, a major change in my psyche. We are NOT all the same. We are NOT all on the same level and apparently we don’t have the same propensity for success. Now I get it! No WONDER people are poor, no WONDER people are fat, no WONDER people are cheating or staying in relationships where they’ve been cheated on! No WONDER the black polygynous community’s such a joke!! People calling people husband and wives and ain’t made no moves in the last year to move  in together because they doing OTHER lame bullshit. REASONS are EXCUSES. The REASON you haven’t done it yet — spare me — that’s an EXCUSE. Excuses are WEAK. Unless you’re sick, dying or dead there’s no excuses! NONE!
You guys don’t have the same drive. That’s why you’re where you are, that’s why we’re where WE are. That’s why. You lack drive. You lack productivity. You lack intelligence. You’re too prideful about the WRONG shit. Your priorities are wrong. Why is THAT what you’re caring about? Why do you have time to make fake profiles harassing people on the internet you don’t even personally know? Bwahahahaaa lames.
You’re bored. You have nothing to do because you have no goals, and if you have goals, you’re TOO LAZY to work toward them.
Disgust, distasteful, dredges-of-society people.
You have nothing of substance going on in your lives. 

Why y’all choose to be on THAT team, is BEYOND me. I don’t get it.  But you’ll stay there because of pride in the wrong shit.
And you know what? Losers have NEVER liked me.
I GUESS THATS A BLESSING.

…ask yourself, right now, what sort of game you playin?

These relationships that you have with each other — what sort of game you playin?

Why you open and honest with people that aren’t even in your relationship???

Why do you feel you owe THEM the honesty you won’t even give your spouse(s)?
The fuck is WRONG with you?
(I’m not talking to any particular person. Don’t be vain.)
One thing my husband and I have with each other, is HONESTY and OPEN communication.
I prescribe it for ALL relationships where you are trying to build a unit and team.
If you aren’t open and honest, IT’S GOING TO FAIL. Fuck the bullshit.
(Dammit. I’m cursing again. But *smiles* it’s Monday, and my period is here. So fuck it. It feels fucking necessary)
As I said, I prescribe it to all my friends and my CLOSEST friends know that if their relationships didn’t work out — it’s because there was a lack of honesty and/or open communication.
*shrugs* it is what it is.
If you telling EVERYBODY ELSE but the person/people that are supposed to matter to you and your life the TRUTH about who you are, how you are, what you want and how you feel — you putting all your energy into the WRONG place.
Your energy is supposed to be put INTO the relationship you’re in.
How’s he/she/they supposed to know who you ARE if you don’t tell them? How’re they supposed to know HOW you are? How’re they supposed to know what you WANT? TRUTH IS, THEY DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU NOT TELLING IT TO THEM, YOU’RE TELLING IT TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You’re a COWARD. In your RELATIONSHIP. You’re SCARED. Because you’re living a FACADE. You’re a scam artist; you’re pretending to be something you’re not, to get someone you KNOW wouldn’t go for the person that you really are. You are going to FUCK IT UP because you won’t be able to keep it up forever!!!
None of you. How can you claim to love someone and lie to them about who you are, what you like and what you do?? You bitches are desperate! Being unable to get a husband for so long has got y’all selling your souls for one.

Brave people look at shit in the face. They may be scared — yes — but bad news is bad news!! If that person/people you tryna build with don’t or won’t like what you REALLY are or who you REALLY are, you’re probably not right for each other. And that’s FINE. If you won’t change, or can’t change for this endeavor – get out. Stop wasting people’s time!!! You’re wasting YOUR time and THEIR time.
Brave people are just as scared — but they look at the situation in the face and they look at that person in their face and they say “Y’know what? This is who I am. This is how I am.” And if they NEED to change it they make their changes and if they don’t WANNA change it, they don’t make a change and fuck who feels like they need to change — point is, they not tryna waste valuable time.

…I’ma tell you… I’m GLAD you hate me. GOOD, bitches. Good. HATE ME. Because I DONT LIKE COWARDS I KEEP THEM FAR FROM ME!

One thing my husband and I have = HONESTY and OPEN COMMUNICATION. We talk about it all, we lay it all out there. If it’s a PROBLEM, we are gonna get to the BOTTOM of it or it will END. If there needs to be a change that change is made OR IT IS DONE. We’re not wasting our TIME or anyone else’s and that’s why you HATING, all this “Rebecca’s FAKE because she’s INCONSISTENT” and “Rebecca’s FAKE because she don’t tell us shit” BITCH — I’m SOOOOooooo very real. I tell what I tell to whom I tell because it’s necessary for that relationship to grow and move forward. And I don’t tell to whom I don’t tell because either it’s unnecessary, or the relationship itself is unnecessary.

Bad news = bad news — but it’s a chance to move forward or move on if need be. Get some courage, BE REAL, or UNDERSTAND that the end of your relationship is IMMINENT. 

 I don’t think it’s for everyone. I didn’t think I would want to get married mainly because of having to compromise because there’s someone else in your life. You can’t be “selfish” and only think about you on things — you gotta look at this other person and be like “What do YOU think, honey?” Instead of saying “Y’know what? I think I like that city; I think I’ll move there.”
But I met my husband and after 3 weeks I was suddenly REALLLY interested in wedding dresses. Never was before but suddenly they were of interest. 
And I found myself neglecting everything I needed to do to be where he was, to talk to him, to see HIS face, to hear HIS voice. 
And it was scary and I was very freaked out because this was NOT normal for me. Guys weren’t too interesting to me; they all seemed stupid, or seemed to be playing games, or they just weren’t what *I* wanted them to be. I hadn’t taken any of them seriously at all. I dated when I wanted company for a movie or to a party/club, and when I wanted to be alone I’d be alone. (Some of them were so dumb I’d just tell them “Shhh. Shhh! Don’t speak to anyone during this event. Just smile and nod” because they were handsome and I needed a handsome date to this event.)
So to meet this man, where he just thoroughly impressed me, and his conversation was something I wanted to participate in…suddenly I want to cook for him. I want to make his plate. I want to bring it to him. I want him to enjoy my food. I want him to think I’m pretty so I’d BETTER do my hair. I need to put on make up now. I’d better wear a pretty dress, etc. 
I CARED about him liking me and I wanted him to like me…
We got married in 9 months. 

It’s been 10 years and we’re still together.
And I STILL like talking to him. And we STILL like each other’s faces. And even when we argue I’d rather do it with HIM. And even though I no longer get my way ALL the time… because of the damned compromising and other adult things that people have to do for relationships to work and grow… I like this condition of marriage. I like having him around, after 10 years. I like that our kids look like him, our sons walk like him and want to be like him. I like that our daughter often agrees with her father’s opinion (I do too).
There doesn’t seem to be any end to our attraction to each other. I thought they said these feelings ended. They haven’t.

I’m not a romantic person and neither is he. The relationship is very reasonable and the love we feel is real and deep and there are no words really, to describe it. Especially not to anyone that’s never felt it.

So maybe if you meet someone interesting, you’ll end up changing your mind but uh, if not, then I totally understand.

Think about me when you hear this song.

If you are pro-polygyny, and you are out here in the big, big western world… and you can’t find anyone who agrees with you… or you’re afraid to tell friends and family or to talk to ANYONE for fear of judgement and persecution… or PROSECUTION, if you’re already polygynous (it’s an issue for Mormons lol)…
You don’t HAVE to be alone!
PEOPLE THAT FEEL LIKE YOU, ARE OUT THERE!!!!
THEY’RE ALL OVER FACEBOOK!!!!!
…you just have to seek us out.
If you want to link up, connect with and speak to others that are *like* you — hit me up on Facebook – dreamgyrl360 – message me — and I’ll get you to a group of people that are like you…
Because polygyny is NOT full of theists (although there are ALOT) — there are so many different kinds of polygynists! It’s just a matter of getting in where you fit in!
I know Christian polygynists, Jewish polygynists, Muslim polygynists, Hebrew Israelite polygynists, Pan-African polygynists, Atheist polygynists, Yoruba polygynists, spiritualist polygynists…
I’ll put you in contact.

Because while the majority of the Facebook polygyny community right now is not a group of people I particularly “like” (nor is it a group of people that particularly like ME — See previous post where Tom had balloons, as the feelingks iz mutwul, mon ami) — I know that people that NEED answers, that NEED support — they can find it in these groups.
They are necessary. And they’re good for that. 
You have some sort of polygynous question or query, some issues in your relationship, some curiosity about any of it — you can ask it there and get true-to-life answers.

And that’s great.

Alright another customer — let me get off.

BLESSINGS!!!

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