If you go to my previous blog entry (…INTEGRITY…) and look in the comments section, you’ll see a response. 

The response is from the second sister we ever suited.
We haven’t spoken to her in FIVE YEARS…

 We lost contact and yet we were unknowingly in close proximity to her… she has been in and around the poly groups stealthily for a while and has now let it be known that she was privy to things that were going on behind our backs in this last courtship.
This has been a constant occurrence since we terminated the relationship — people coming out of the woodwork and telling us all the things that were going on behind our back the entire time…
That, and people coming out to personally apologize to us, by private message AND phone call, saying they misjudged us in the situation (the count, so far, is 8 — and it wasn’t our defense that exonerated us… they just had to hang around her a little longer…)

Please read what she has to say about us and this last situation — 

August 13, 2014 at 11:52 pm
nasi

 

so I disappear for a while and come back and see videos about me- i deserved it lol. its all good, i just read your posts, sorry this has happened to you and cepha. in all honesty you and cepha are very good people. and i read the below posts and even i know if she said things like that about cepha its not true. during him talking to me he was a complete gentlemen and even offered to defend me from another male from a couple in a group who was harassing me, remember that? years ago. but anyway this girl seems horrible and seems like she lying on you and cepha. I never got the chance to meet you and him but his character in dealing with me wasn’t like that at all. he was funny and sweet and never lost his cool with me. and hes not a predator at all, he never mentioned anything sexual or disrespectful the entire time talking in fact it was i who was inappropriate. if its meant to be for another wife it shall be. this girl seems like she’s bouncing from man to man hopefully she doesn’t get pregnant or spread disease in between. shes a damn jezebel delilah type. sounds like honestly to me she is just a whore,from a broken home raising a broken home, and wouldn’t do right for a decent man trying to help her. yall was probably the only real chance she had at a family , cepha was probably the only real man she knew, and she didn’t know how to deal with a real man. and i do know you and cepha to be good people. don’t worry about her or what she says those people who condone her foolishness will change their minds once she gets in their home and sleeps with their husbands or ruin their lives with her gossip. besides if people believe htings like that without knowing the truth they must be living foul as well. birds of a feather flock together. im in those facebook groups as well and i watch and i say nothing. i only get on facebook once a month. i will say this though i have talked to a particular shady poly man whos in all the groups with his screwed up poly life ( another story for another day ) and i have heard from him things she said about yall but just recently learned who it was, you and cepha. small poly community we have i was shocked. and I know she said it because how else would he know details about her stay with you or yall wanting her to leave or yall sleeping together and she feels neglected cuz he’s in the middle of the bed with a arm around you but not one around her. or her saying yall gang up on her trying to make her a submissive wife so to keep the peace she pretends. or the first night when he had to convince her to sleep with him when he went to visit her and she didn’t want to be intimate, by the way I dont believe that one at all, he never came off that way on me and besides cepha is good looking i would have jumped his damn bones and ohhh i remember that sexy accent. (smile) She said to this guy whom by the way doesn’t like you or your husband and she knows this, this is why she was talking to him, called him every free minute to complain about yall, also another couple with a younger wife and a bunch of kids she kept fucking with her and picking on her so she wouldn’t tell info she thought that wife knew she said about yall. turns out that wife knew nothing. This chick was courting and phone sexing in ur house with this other guy major punk ass man always in women’s drama. Anyway i am rambling i just honestly wish yall the best you are good people. and i dont like what shes saying about yall. anyway see ya in the groups :-) side note bet you never would have thought to see me post her or defend yall right? me either. my soul wouldn’t let me rest until i did

Reply
August 13, 2014 at 11:57 pm
nasi

 

forgot to add congrats on the store

NASI — I am speechless… for SO MANY REASONS, lol. 
I thank you. Wholeheartedly. Thank you, sis. 

It is a situation we keep turning over and over and over in our heads. And every time, the outcome is NO, we didn’t do anything wrong to this person. This person said she was one thing…and turned out to be a completely different, NEGATIVE and HORRIBLE thing.
NASI — EMAIL ME. I wanna talk to you. lol I have a question.

in·teg·ri·ty

noun: integrity

1.the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness

 

Let’s talk about honesty, and strong moral principles –

He decided to court her, because during the suiting phase she made herself seem compatible with us — coming from different paths, but moving in the same direction… and then we found out that alot of the stuff she told us about herself, which we based our compatibility on, wasn’t quite true…
When we met this person, she said she homeschooled her kids. We homeschool our kids, so that was awesome. When we met this person, she told us that she’d had polygyny experience.When we met this person she was asked how she made her money. She said she ran a couple of online businesses — which was great because we were in the process of starting our business.
When we met this person, she made herself seem driven, ambitious, and highly motivated.
When we met this person she made herself seem like she’d be a good fit for our family.
What do we find out?? On the homeschooling, we find out that’s not true in the LEAST — what happens is, her grandmother picks up the children in the morning, and takes them to daycare all day long, while she sits at home on her ass smoking weed and entertaining a bunch of people who are basically bums (no jobs and no interest in getting jobs). On her prior polygyny experience — when he asked her about it, turns out she and her youngest child’s father would invite another woman into their bed and she would hang around for a few days after (actually, what we found out was that this person had NEVER had a stable healthy or lasting relationship, in her life!). On how she made her money, we found out that she didn’t make any money from her online store and it was pretty much dead — no, the way she makes her money is to be a drug and prostitute liaison (meaning she sets you up with the people that have what you want and gets a cut from it — she’s the middle-man).
These are not things she told us, and that latter part we didn’t find out until close to the end of courtship!!!
She wanted to make herself seem as compatible as possible!
(EVERYTHING we told you about ourselves during the suiting phase — you came here and saw that it was TRUE! He told you from the JUMP he has a low tolerance for bullshit, and he will NOT let it into his house!)

We SUSPECTED she was talking bad about us behind our backs, because of the little snarky, passive aggressive shit people were saying (and one of them, I kept telling her — if you KNOW SO MUCH, why not say the shit? What the fuck you talking to me for if you not going to say the shit?). But we couldn’t prove it and when asked, she would always say NO. All off in THROUGH the relationship. And see, I told her REPEATEDLY if she had something she wanted to say, if she was upset about something, she should say it to US. Because that’s how we DO — we don’t go outside the family circle to talk bad about someone — we are going to do it RIGHT THERE, THEN AND RIGHT AWAY, to get to the bottom of the issue, so we can move past it. And POSSIBLY, if that means people aren’t compatible, then HEY — that may be the case! No biggie. But NO — she wanted to make herself seem as COMPATIBLE as POSSIBLE.
He was attracted to the person she sold herself AS. And, after realizing that THAT person was FAKE, his constant question was “what am I getting from this?”
The SAME THING she’s doing with ol’boy RIGHT NOW — LYING to him, pretending to convert to his belief! (and very recently, in the group, she even SAID that she doesn’t pray to any god but HERSELF!!! “but don’t tell you-know-who!” THATS THE KIND OF PREDATOR SHE IS — PREYING ON TRUSTING FAMILIES, FAKING COMPATIBILITY SO THAT SHE CAN BE RESCUED FROM HER SORRY SITUATION!!!)…and I heard that you “friends” of hers were HELPING her fabricate her compatibility with him — SHAME ON Y’ALL!! (but y’all all do the same tho — like that other one, who was hiding the fact that she smoked cigarettes from the man she was tryna marry — so why’m I surprised…)

She says that all she’s guilty of is not giving us full disclosure when she moved on. She’s going to spin it to the public in order to make herself seem not too much at fault — but that’s not what happened. She began talking to this dude a few weeks before we even broke up.

DO YOU HEAR THAT SHIT? SHE WAS ALREADY TALKING TO HIM BEFORE WE EVEN BROKE UP!!  And she STILL didn’t tell us. How we found out — she let him DISRESPECT my husband, texting him from HER phone! And to EXCUSE it, she said she was “afraid” to tell him.

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT INTEGRITY, BITCH???!?!?! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT INTEGRITY??

WTF???

So what happened??
He and I had a conversation. We agreed that, no, she is completely untrustworthy. There’s been this feeling of not being able to trust her for MONTHS. Because of Y&Y, and the things they were saying to us, because of her need to be friends with people who she know damned well don’t even like us (because if you don’t like my husband, then we not friends. If you’re indifferent, that’s ONE thing — but to DISLIKE HIM and to HATE HIM, no, we can’t be friends. HE is A PART of ME. And if another sister ever joins this family, she’d have to feel the SAME WAY. WE are family!).
So we go to her, and we tell her on a phone call that we feel we can’t trust her. What does SHE say? “I haven’t said anything about y’all to anyone…what can I do to gain your trust back?”
-_-
LYING AGAIN. Not even strong enough to say “Well YES, I spoke to them, because this and that and the other” and whatever the fuck you want to talk to them about! Why not SAY IT??
BECAUSE SHE WAS PUTTING UP A FRONT THAT SHE WAS QUITE COMPATIBLE FOR THIS FAMILY.

…and she was talking to him… weeks before we even broke up…

And AGAIN — no booboo, we don’t just “look good on paper” — you already know, that’s why you call us your “prototype family” — because you already know that what we HAVE and what we ARE is something you’d LOVE to have and LOVE to BE in this life. That’s why you were going through so many lengths to be over here with us! YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE AT MY HOUSE, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE WE ARE. You know he’s smart, you know he’s handsome, he works ALL DAY LONG, you know he works on the house ALL THE TIME, you know that when you weren’t messing up he’s gentle, loving, sweet, funny, you know that he don’t play when you’re bullshitting.

You know he won’t whup your ass, though. You know that. You know he won’t hit you. YOU know that if you refuse to listen, if you turn out to lie to the people you trying to build a life with all the time — that he will leave you. That’s what HAPPENED. He broke up with you, because you don’t LISTEN to GOOD counsel. He never told you to do anything bad or wrong — but YOU DON’T LISTEN. You lie. When he makes a decision, you nod your head and fake agreement —  YOU WANNA TALK FAKE??!?!?! Let him make a decision I don’t agree with!! I will TELL him, and we will discuss WHY, and he will CONVINCE me (although SOMETIMES, “baby, just trust me” is good enough). I never told you to do anything bad or wrong — but YOU wouldn’t listen to MY advice!!

People wanna talk about playing victim but this bitch STILL constantly calling y’all crying about THIS guy, now. This guy that she said was such a good man, that he was so great and so awesome — and WHO KNOWS?? CAN YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE HER?? PERHAPS HER VIEW OF HIM IS DISTORTED, TOO!! PERHAPS SHE’S THE REASON HE HATED US SO MUCH — JUST LIKE THE REST OF YOU DO! PERHAPS HE *IS* AWESOME!! AND PERHAPS SHE’S PAINTING HIM AS BAD AND EVIL AND SO CALLED BEATING HER AND SHIT. But she still crying to y’all about *him*.
And you allow her to do it. And you believe her — all of you are SO weak and manipulated by crocodile tears… and fake friendships…

UNDERSTAND that you burnt that bridge — MOVE ON ALREADY! STOP CONTACTING ME! STOP HOPING THAT WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS! WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE GROUP WAS CALLING YOU A POLYANDROUS WHORE, I DEFENDED YOU, INTRODUCED YOU TO MY HUSBAND AT YOUR REQUEST, I OPENED UP MY HOME TO YOU, AND YOU DISRESPECTED IT! And STILL, today, you LIE about it!

…and YOU wanna talk about INTEGRITY

Originally posted on Eclectic Alaskan:

Here’s a Bible passage you can use with the next Christianist who tells you that marriage was ordained by God to be one man, one woman from the beginning of time (bolding mine):

Genesis 32:21

That night, however, Jacob arose, took his two wives, with the two maidservants and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.24After he got them and brought them across the wadi and brought over what belonged to him,25Jacob was left there alone. Then a man* wrestled with him until the break of dawn.26When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that Jacob’s socket was dislocated as he wrestled with him.d27The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you…

View original 135 more words

From: http://themindunleashed.org/2014/07/9-good-signs-youre-right-relationship.html

It’s not always where you are in life, but who you have by your side that matters.

“How do I know if I’m in the right relationship or not?”

This is one of the most common questions our coaching clients ask us.  And after Angel and I listen to the specifics of their situation, we often toss a question back at them to further clarify their thoughts and expectations.  For instance:

“What do you think a “right relationship” should provide for the people in it?”

Although the answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well.  So today, let’s take a look at some signs you’re in the “right relationship,” and corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a “wrong relationship” right:

1. No games are being played.

Far too often, we make our relationships harder than they have to be.  The difficulties started when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a game, the word “love” fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned, insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution.  Stop running!  Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it.

And of course, if you feel like someone is playing games with you, speak up.

2. Everyone is on the same page.

If a woman starts out all casual with a man and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a committed relationship, it will likely never become a committed relationship.  If you give someone the impression that casual, or whatever, is okay with you, that’s what will be assumed going forward.  The bottom line is that you have to be straight from the start, or at least as soon as you know what you want.  Don’t beat around the bush.  If someone gets scared and runs away because you were honest and set boundaries, that person wasn’t right for you anyway.

3. The line of communication is open, honest, and clear.

You can’t be afraid to have certain conversations.  It’s better to talk and find out the truth, than to keep going and get nowhere.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t expect the important people in your life to read your mind, and don’t play foolish games with their heads and hearts.  Don’t tell half-truths and expect them to trust you when the full truth comes out – half-truths are no better than lies.

Listen without defending and speak without offending.  Communication isn’t just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.  Relationships often fail because of trust issues, commitment issues, and above all, communication issues.  So be honest, commit, and COMMUNICATE always.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

4. Loving deeds consistently reinforce loving words.

Nurture your important relationships so that when you tell the people you love that you love them, it’s merely a ritualistic validation of what you have already shown them by how you treat them on a daily basis.  Do little things every day to show your loved ones you care.  Knowing that the person you’re thinking of has you on their mind too means a lot.

Truth be told, you can say “sorry” a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as you want, but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.  If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere.  It’s as simple as that.  And there’s no such thing as a “right” relationship that isn’t sincere at both ends.

5. Expectations of perfection are strictly forbidden.

Any relationship that’s real will not be perfect, but if you’re willing to work at it and open up, it could be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

Your best friends and your soul mate may be far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit for you.  Give them a chance to show you.  When you stop expectingthe people you love to be a certain way, you can start to enjoy and appreciate them for who they are.  What you need to remember is that every relationship has its problems, but what makes it perfect in the end is when you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, even when times are tough.

6. Honesty, vulnerability, and presence are held sacred.

Although it may sound risky, the strongest type of love is the love that makes you the most vulnerable.  It’s about daring to reveal yourself honestly, and daring to be open and fully disclosed over the long-term.  It’s about sticking by each other’s side through thick and thin, and truly being there in the flesh and spirit when you’re needed most.

So open yourself up.  BE with the person you love.  Allow yourself to experience them authentically.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome a sincere connection with another human being.  (ReadDaring Greatly.)

7. There is a healthy blend of freedom and teamwork.

Keep in mind that we can’t force anyone to be with us or love us.  We shouldn’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave.  And likewise, we should never feel trapped in a relationship.  In fact, if either person feels trapped, the relationship doesn’t really exist.  Because that’s what relationships are all about: freedom.

Relationships are also built on a solid foundation of teamwork.  And since relationships are one of the greatest vehicles of personal growth and happiness, the most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting someone else halfway.  You will achieve far more by working with them, rather than working alone or against them.  It really is a full circle.  The strength of a relationship depends on the strength of its two members, and the strength of each member in the long run depends on the quality of the relationship.

And remember, relationships are rarely 50/50 at any given instant in time.  You can’t always feel 100%, or a full 50% of a relationship’s whole – life is simply too unpredictable for that.  So on the days when you can only give 20%, the other person must give 80%, and vice versa.  It’s never been about balancing steady in the middle; healthy relationships are about two people who are willing to make adjustments for each other in real time as needed, and give more when the other person can’t help but give a little less.

8. Personal growth is embraced, celebrated, and shared.

It’s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it’s about meeting someone to find yourself in.  When you connect with someone special, a best friend or a lifelong partner, this person helps you find the best in yourself.  In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.

When you honestly think about what you and your closest confidants add to each other’s lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking things from each other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you have chosen rather to share in each other’s joy and pain, and experience life together through good times and bad.  No matter what, you two are there for one another, growing and learning as one.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

9. Outsiders aren’t calling the shots.

Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside.  So don’t let outsiders run your relationships for you.  If you’re having a relationship issue with someone, work it out with THEM and no one else.

You have to live your own life your own way; that’s all there is to it.  Each of us has a unique fire in our heart for certain people.  It’s your duty, and yours alone, to decide if a relationship is right for you.  You’ve got to stop caring so much about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living and deciding for yourself.

The floor is yours…

In your experience, what are some good signs you’re in the right relationship?  Any other relationship tips you’d like to share?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

A Message to My Sistas
by Assata Shakur

At this time I’d like to say a few words especially to my sisters: SISTERS. BLACK PEOPLE WILL NEVER BE FREE UNLESS BLACK WOMEN PARTICIPATE IN EVERY ASPECT OF OUR STRUGGLE, ON EVERY LEVEL OF OUR STRUGGLE. I think that Black women, more than anybody on the face of the earth, recognize the urgency of our situation. Because it is We who come face to face daily with the institutions of our oppression. And because it is We who have borne the major responsibility of raising our children. And it is We who have to deal with the welfare systems that do not care about the welfare of our children. And it is We who have to deal with the school systems that do not educate our children. It is We who have to deal with the racist teachers who teach our children to hate themselves. It is We who have seen the terrible effects of racism on our children. I JUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT OUT TO EXPRESS MY LOVE TO ALL OF YOU WHO RISK YOUR LIVES DAILY STRUGGLING OUT HERE ON THE FRONT LINES. We who have watched our young grow too old, too soon. We who have watched our children come home angry and frustrated and seen them grow more bitter, more disillusioned with the passing of each day. And We who have seen the sick, trapped look on the faces of our children when they come to fully realize what it means to be Black in Amerikkka. And we know what deprivation is. How many times have We run out of bus fare, rent money, food money and how many times have our children gone to school in hand-me-down clothes, with holes in their shoes. We know what a hell-hole Amerikkka is. We’re afraid to let our children go out and play. We’re afraid to walk the streets at night. We sisters, We have seen our young, the babies that We brought into this world with such great hopes for, We have seen their bodies bloated and aching from drugs, scarred and deformed by bullet holes. We know what oppression is. We have been abused in every way imaginable. We have been abused economically, politically. We have been abused physically, and We have been abused sexually. And sisters, We have a long and glorious history of struggle on this land/planet. Afrikan women were strong and courageous warriors long before We came to this country in chains. And here in Amerikkka, our sisters have been on the front lines. Sister Harriet Tubman led the underground railroad. And sisters like Rosa Parks, Fannie Lou Hammer, Sandra Pratt and our Queen Mother Moore have carried it on. Sisters, We have been the backbone of our communities, and We have got to be the backbone of our nation. We have got to build strong family units, based on love and struggle. We don’t have no time to play around.

A REVOLUTIONARY WOMAN CAN’T HAVE NO REACTIONARY MAN.

If he’s not about liberation, if he’s not about struggle, if he ain’t about building a strong Black nation then he ain’t about nothing. We know how to struggle. We know how to struggle and finagle to survive. We know what it means, sisters, to struggle tooth and nail. We know what it means to struggle with love. We know what unity is. We know what sisterhood is. We have always been kind to each other, brought each other hot soup and biscuits. We have always helped each other through the hard times. Sisters, We must celebrate Afrikan womanhood. We don’t want to be like Miss Ann. She can keep her false eyelashes and her false, despoiled image of womanhood. She can keep her mink stole and her French provincial furniture. We will define for ourselves what womanhood is. And We will create our own style and our own ways of dress. We can’t have no white man in France telling Afrikan women what to look like. We will create our own New Afrikan way of living. We will create our own way of being and living our own New Afrikan culture, taking the best of the old and mixing it with the new.

SISTERS WE HAVE GOT TO TAKE CONTROL OF OUR LIVES AND OUR FUTURE WHEREVER WE ARE. AND WE HAVE GOT TO ORGANIZE OURSELVES INTO A STRONG BODY OF AFRIKAN WOMEN.

assata

The 8-month courtship and the 60-day living-together situation was not all bad. There were quite a few good times had by the three of us, living together. Those good times are what cause me to still have an inkling of hope — that yes, I CAN have a sister-wife, I AM good at it, and I CAN have a happy life in it, if everyone does what they need to do.
I like having someone to laugh with throughout the day. I like sharing errands. I like hearing him get goofy with her. I like having a third brain to pick. I like having someone who, if *I’m* not interested in what he’s about to go do, *she’s* interested, and they go. Or if he’s not interested in what one of us is about to go do, the *other* sister is interested, and she’ll accompany.
All three people can benefit from the relationship. Our relationship is good by itself. There isn’t anything missing between us. But for the right person, there’s always room for one more.

We don’t have to be alike. We don’t have to look alike, we don’t have to dress alike. We don’t have to have the same opinion. But if you are a team player, if you look at the situation and say “yes, I see where help is needed here” (like washing the dishes or grabbing the kids for a minute, or seeing that I’ve cooked 3 meals a day for 7 days already) and you just get in there and do what is needed…
That is so very do-able.
I’m not pushy. I’m not mean. I don’t need “my space” and rarely need “me time”. If I feel wronged, I say so. If I feel like I’m not getting attention from him, I’ll make it known, but it’s rare. I’ll let you be how you gone be (provided that being mean is not the mindset).
My husband has three sisters. They have their lives. Two have children. When they come to visit, they are amazing women. If I’m cooking and cleaning, they’re either participating or taking all the kids outside. They may ask to cook one night. My husband may ask them to cook (because it may be a meal they do really well and he misses it so he’ll ask).
If I’m washing dishes, they sweeping a rug. They’re supervising the children cleaning their rooms while I’ll washing this or that…
Not asking for a maid. No. I’m my own maid. But if you’re living in a place, if you feel obligated to get up and assist when you see people doing shit stuff, then hey…that’d be nice.
I like teamwork. Makes the dreamwork, aheheh.

Because, like, Cepha used to like to take the kids hiking (through some woods and stuff but majority of it has been turned into a parking lot for the mega church near our house… smh). And I didn’t care to go on those hikes. There’s mud, there’s slipping. There’s tripping, there’s mosquitos. The possibility of encountering some wild animal or feral dog/cat. Rabid raccoons or squirrels.
No thanks, lol.
But SHE would go hiking with him. She wanted to.
Great. I’d rather wash these dishes, lol. Washing dishes helps me think, and I like it.

It’s good that two people can be there for each other on things and be a team.
It’s good that three people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that four people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
It’s good that five people can be there for each other on things, and be a team.
TeamWork is good.

*sigh*
Where IS that person? (This girl didn’t care to wake up early in the morning and share a cup of coffee before he left for work. That’s okay? But THAT would be nice, too — for everyone to be up, before the kids, drinking coffee, discussing shit stuff. Making plans. Impromptu family meeting. Impromptu business meeting. It’s great.)

Alright I’m done. I’m at this store ashy today — BUT ITS EVIDENCE THAT I SHOWERED FO’ I LEFF THE HOUSE!!!
…let me put on my awesome body butter that my homeboy is making. Stop being ashy in front of folks.
It’s rude.

This could be us -- but we'onno whurr yu r! lol

This could be us — but we’onno whurr yu r! lol

Peace.

Good morning.
No one is perfect. Nothing in life is perfect. There’s always going to be something going on.
There’s not even such a thing as “perfect for you”…unless you’re one of those that sees the perfection in imperfection. I’d call that being an optimist, I suppose. A dreamer. Let’s try to be a realist.
Stop running. Stop going from this one, to that one, to that one over there, seeking perfection. You will not find it.
Look inside yourself for what’s missing. Happiness and peace is inside you. Inside you is the only place to find it. You won’t find it anywhere else or in any one else. Until you find it inside you, you will never truly be happy, you will never fully have peace.
Peace and happiness is within because The Most High is within.
Go within. You will not find Him outside of your own self.

*sigh*

 

This is a lesson written by the Elder Mōréh Qănăă, in a polygyny group on Facebook. I felt it was post-worthy and preservative-worthy. So I copied and pasted it and I give him major accolades and praise The Most High for the knowledge this man has imparted! Hope you enjoy it as I enjoyed it.

Shalom (a greeting of Peace). My name is Qanaa Bén Yehuwdah. I am an Elder, and a “Moreh” (Teacher) within the African Hebrew Community in the American diaspora. I joined this group to help contribute to the dialog on “Polygyny” from a Biblical perspective. Yet before on may intelligently discuss “polygyny” thy must first understand the origins of “Monogamy” and who gave it to us, and why they enforce it by law!

From a Scriptural standpoint, there is no difference between “Monogamy” and “Polygyny”. However, there is a profound difference between European/Western Marriage, and African and middle-eastern Marriage. Namely, that the European/Western paradigm of “matrimony” is by definition, and institution negotiated to support and perpetuate what I like to call “matronage”.

Let’s first look at a few of these words:

PATER: (pronounced pay-tur), a noun defined as father . ORIGIN Latin, and later Germanic (English).

PATRIARCH: noun, characteristic of a system of society or government controlled by men.

PATRON: noun, a person who gives financial or other support to a person, organization, cause, or activity : ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French, from Latin patronus ‘protector of clients, defender,’ from pater, patr- ‘father.

It is clear by these European definitions, that men traditionally held authority in their homes as fathers and patrons, and in their Governments as Patriarchs.

Now, look at these European definitions:

MATER (pronounced may-tur) a noun defined as mother . ORIGIN Latin, and later Germanic (English).

MATRIARCH: adjective, a woman who is the head of a family or tribe. • an older woman who is powerful within a family or organization : a domineering matriarch.

MATRON: noun, a married woman, esp. a dignified and sober middle-aged one, in charge of domestic arrangements.

Okay, now let’s look at “inheritance” within the same European paradigm:

MATRILINEAL: adjective, kinship to the mother or the female line. ORIGIN late Middle English : via Old French from Latin matrimonium, based on mater, matr- ‘mother.’

PATRILINEAL: No such word exists!

PATRIMONY, adjective, property inherited from one’s father or male ancestor. ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French patrimoine, from Latin patrimonium, from pater, patr- ‘father.’

MATRIMONY: noun, the state or ceremony of being married; marriage : a couple joined in matrimony | the sacrament of holy matrimony. ORIGIN late Middle English : via Old French from Latin matrimonium, based on mater, matr- ‘mother.’

In aggregate, it should be clear that the European family paradigm is one of men and women inheriting from the fathers, men paying dowry for brides, and marrying into HER family’s possessions through matrimony. It is the family line of the woman, that controls marriage, and wealth, not the man’s. He controls the woman, and by extension, HER matrilineal inheritance.

The Roman Emperor, Diocletian and co-Emperor Maximilian passed strict anti-polygamy laws in 285 AD that mandated monogamy as the only form of legal marital relationship, as had traditionally been the case in classical Greece and Rome.[citation needed] In 393, the Byzantine Emperor Theodosius I issued an imperial edict to extend the ban on polygamy to Hebrew communities.

Christian European insistence on monogamy and its enforcement arose as a consequence of 16th Century Islamic incursions into Central Europe and the advent of European colonialism within the Americas, Africa and Asia, which exposed European Christians to cultures that practiced polygamy. As a consequence, nominal Christian male bigamists were subjected to unprecedented harsh punishments, such as execution, galley servitude, exile, and prolonged imprisonment.

Protestantism dropped the Catholic imperative of Matrilineal control of property, which was instituted by Rome to guarantee Papal control of land-based taxation, but in British Colonies (occupying other countries by force) land ownership was strictly Patriarchal, yet marriage remained Matrimonial.

This is what governs American Marriage til this very day! Monogamous Marriage is the legally enforced European restriction on how many sons a man may legally produce, thus insuring that no “Clan” may rise to the stature of “nation” over many generations, within the borders of any European, or American Country. This is also why divorce, and abortion are legal in the United States.

Now, the European Paradigm of Monogamous Matrimony is failing all but the most financially sound marriages, and many of those are divorces just waiting to happen, as the pressure to “satisfy” and entrain one’s spouse becomes the only marital benefit that most couples can afford!

Contrary to “hypothetical” belief. Multi-Wife marriages produce more prosperity, greater emotional security for both mother and children, and more unanimity of internal family values, that monogamous give-me-what-I-want marriages. In fact, nearly all Monogamous marriages in the United States are based on pure harlotry! That is to say, trying to cultivate a sexual attraction, into a committed relationship based on the fulfillment of “expectations”. What s “crap-shoot” that is, and there is no mediator to keep anyone objective! Done with all of that madness…

How many parents of daughters raised to expect monogamy, have been able to deliver a bride that has had less than 5 men run through her before marriage? How can girls be allowed to have sex with multiple partners, be taught to restrain themselves to a single husband, without expecting him to justify why she should not leave him and move on to the next man, every day of his life?

Conversely, the man who marries more than one woman does not “move on” he builds up, and they build up with him unless THEY decide to leave.

There was this whole campaign this past year to define my husband as a predator and in a negative light. I’m really wanting to get past all this nonsense, but every once in a while I get this itch and this need to say something about it. I DO like journaling, and have always kept a diary. I started my first diary at age 8, and kept one most of my youth, up into meeting my husband.
A predator is: a person or group that ruthlessly exploits others.
This girl, that we courted, that we TRIED to build a life with, refers to him as a predator and all her silly, fat friends enjoy running around helping her disseminate this bullshit.
Let’s get some things straight — and some of what I’m saying has been said in this blog before?? But I’ma say it all again so I can paint my picture here.

1. We made a video of our courting experience before we met this person. Everyone’s watched it. At the time of this writing, the video has received more than 13K views. What we talk about in the video is what we’d perceived as courtships at the time. The video discusses two separate experiences, with two sisters, with whom we chatted, texted, emailed, and spoke to on the phone for a couple of months each (one longer than the other; but the actual timeline is of no consequence, being that I am not known for retaining actual knowledge of the passing of time on events…forgive me). These women, we intended on meeting face to face at some point, but both situations for very different reasons, went kaput before that could actually occur.
2. My husband, for ten years, has never slept with anyone else, with the exception of this woman we tried to build a life with. — Do you hear that?
3. These three women expressed interest in OUR family. NOT the other way around. My husband did not initiate pursuit of these women, they “met” me, first, and struck up a friendship with me.
4. The two women mentioned on the video, if ever found and interviewed about my husband’s interactions with them, could NEVER, EVER say that he was EVER inappropriate with them in conversation — meaning NEVER did they have sexual conversation, never did sexting occur, never were sexual pictures exchanged. The relationships were early and new, and that was not my husband’s focus with them.
5. My husband has only shown interest in two OTHER women besides the three previously mentioned. This interest has been shown in the past 6 months, and was begun “publicly” in Polygyny: EBF, so that everyone was aware of his “possible” intentions with these two women.
6. If these two women were ever contacted and asked, NEITHER OF THEM could ever say that he ever became inappropriate with them in conversation — meaning, once again, no sexting occurred, no sexual images were imparted from him to them, no sexual conversation was had. (note that these are women he DID pursue)

Here is my point:

I hear so many fucked up polygyny stories, so many messed up relationship situations… I hear so many negative things about some of the men in these families and in Polygyny: EBF. You got men that within the first week or so he already talking about sex with the woman, they already discussing what they like and don’t like, they already PLANNING to have sex with each other when they meet, or he’s PRESSURING her to have sex when they meet. He’s already asking for pics, or sending her pics of himself. They ALREADY skype-sexing with each other (is there a word for that?). They planning secret rendezvous with these women behind their existing wives’ backs, saying stuff like “While I’m traveling, I’ll stop by and meet up with you and we can _______” and “my wife/wives don’t know, so don’t tell them because they wouldn’t approve. I’ll just slowly work you into the family.” These men are waiting at the “front door” of the group and jumping on every single woman that “walks through the door”. Bombarding her with inbox messages, friend requests, seeming DESPERATE and THIRSTY as all get out.
I hear that your husbands don’t consider you and YOUR feelings — some of them, if you say no about a particular woman as a fit for your family — I hear they STILL privately after the sister, scheming behind their wives back and trying to get them and if they NOT trying to bring you in as a wife, they trying to bed you and move on like that didn’t happen.

But what do you hear of my husband? MY HUSBAND DOESN’T FIT ANY OF THIS SHIT. And there’s NO WOMAN that you can find in any part of this polygyny matrix that could tell you that he was in ANY WAY inappropriate in his dealings with her.

Here’s more:

1. We SAID we owned a house and we own a house. It’s got 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. It’s got a decent sized front and back yard, and it’s on a quiet street with little to no young people on it. This woman who we were trying to build a life with had the choice of sleeping in our already-existing bedroom (because I’m a co-bedder and I always have been) or sleeping in the guestroom, which would have eventually been her room.
2. We SAID we were going to start a business and we started that business. We started it within 9 months of DECIDING to start it. It’s not some giant store but it’s a nice store, and for it’s size it’s successful and can’t go anywhere but up.
3. We SAID we homeschool our children and we DO homeschool our children (I fell back on the homeschooling while the woman we were trying to build with was here, because while she SAID she was homeschooling her babies, she wasn’t, and so I was not going to stop what I was working on to spend the summer teaching children how to read. Teaching kids how to read is extremely taxing, it’s stressful and while I’ve taught two children how to fully read and read well, even if they don’t know what the words actually mean, I feel like each child needs individual attention on that, and I had no more attention to give on the subject when I’ve got mine to deal with. Didn’t seem like she was interested in getting that hands-on with the situation with her kids and I was way too busy to take over for her in that respect. At the very least she knows the dining room was set up for school). Our children’s knowledge on specific subject matter and comprehension skills is evidence of that.
4. We are NOT on any type of government assistance (not that I really knock it if you need it…or want it…and can get it).
5. We are preppers. Not in theory. In action. It’s part of our lifestyle to plan for TEOTWAWKI/SHTF.
6. We work out. Not ALL the time — but our bodies look how they do because we DO take an interest in it. I have my spurts where I’m working out daily, then three days/week and sometimes I ain’t working out at all. But what I’m doing and NOT doing certainly shows.

My point on these:

So many of y’all are saying things about yourselves that aren’t even true. Are you REALLY an activist? Are you REALLY a counselor? Are you REALLY working out? Do you REALLY own that house? Are you REALLY doing the things you say you’re doing?
ALOT of y’all are lying. ANYONE WHO’S MET US IN REAL LIFE CAN TELL YOU THAT WE DO WHAT WE SAY WE’RE GOING TO DO.

…y’all some lying, vicious, deceitful, bitter, negative, hateful, jealous ass bitches. And I know y’all are happy to have each other to bond with and be close to.
But my husband doesn’t fit the description of a predator — meanwhile most of your husbands and homeboys DO fit it, to a TEE.
She was mad because my husband doesn’t mince words. If he thinks you’re wrong, he’ll say it. If he thinks you need to change something that you’re doing, or something about you, he’ll say it. He’s going to give you the TRUTH about yourself, unfiltered.
She didn’t like what he said. Ya’ll don’t LIKE real, and you don’t like honesty and truth. Because the saying’s true — the truth DOES hurt…

My husband is NOT a predator. He tried to build a life with a woman, who portrayed herself to be ONE WAY when she was really, much much more sinister (YOU wanna talk about TRANSFORMERS?!? Bwahahahaha! hilarious).
Keep letting her cry to you with her distortions if you like. She LIKED our family, she KNEW that type of situation was what she wanted for her LIFE. It’s why she betrays herself and calls us her prototype family — it’s why her children STILL ask for us (because with us they had stability, order, and were learning discipline, control and focus… all these things are things that children NEED…when they don’t get them, their lives are tumultuous for them.) Children know bad when they sense bad from people. They never got “bad” from us.

You should be ashamed of yourselves for disseminating that kind of false information — ESPECIALLY SINCE, like I’ve always said to you — YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW US. FOR SHAME. And no — AGAIN, we’re not upset about the break up. We’re upset about her lying to us, we’re upset about the shit she pulled less than a week after him breaking it off with her — that YOU dirty bitches SUPPORT her in.

Seems to me, when I do the lists of what my husband does and doesn’t do, versus what y’all’s husbands do and don’t do — y’all need to be working hard on your OWN families and situations instead of talking bad about mine.

– do y’all talk about us anymore?
I’ll bet you don’t.
What could you possibly say about us right now? Being that there’s so much fucked up about you guys that we don’t have going on.
If y’all are STILL talking about us, once again you worried bout the wrong shit. Your priorities are so very fucked up. That, again, is why you’re a bunch of miserable bitches.
You make your ownselves miserable. Lose weight — tell that man to consider your feelings — get out and make some actual money, stop being lazy — pay attention to your kids — go read some books — just overall go find your ass a seat and better yourself some kind of way because right now?? Right now — remember what y’all kept saying to me?? That’s not a good look (when I was arguing with this woman in the groups about HER actions in a situation that involved she and my family…) THIS IS NOT A GOOD LOOK, BITCHES, YOU LOOK JEALOUS AND NEGATIVE AND BITTER AND HATEFUL, BITCHES.

In the Beginning, I was very zealous and excited.
I would proselytize everywhere and share it everywhere.
Now for the most part I feel like what I know is lost on people.
And so I don’t waste my time.
Still Torah Observant. Still seeking on building my relationship with The Most High.
I’m just not talking to anyone about it. *shrugs* I talk to my kids about it. They are my focus when it comes to these things. My husband says if you believe in a concept, you should definitely teach it to your children. And so I do.
I even speak to my kids about polygyny. It’s a part of Hebraic life. You WILL meet people where there are more than one wife. And one day, daddy MAY have a second wife. Maybe.

When it comes to my husband and I — 
I have heard some really snarky remarks and I’ve been meaning to address them for MONTHS since I first heard them. I just keep FORGETTING because I am a forgetful sprite and these things DO happen.
People get mad and, when arguing with my husband, don’t want me to intervene or interject. They feel I’m helping him in his argument and that I shouldn’t.
I don’t think you guys understand the concept of unity, of echad, of plural oneness.
WE ARE ONE. You argue with him, you arguing with me, and visa versa. No woman that is not this man’s wife is going to argue with him and me not get involved in that. I don’t know what you think this marriage thing is. If your marriage isn’t like that then guess what I feel SORRY for you. Sounds to me like you don’t give a damn about each other to take the “I’m not in that; that’s him” stance. No. If I have something to say in an argument he’s in, even if it’s with him arguing with a man, I’m going to say it. The ONLY person that would make me NOT say it — is HIM. If HE told me “stay out of this” I will HAPPILY stay out of it. But I have my own mind, my own views, my own opinion and my own points when people are arguing and I will say them. You ain’t got to like it but that is the level of the relationship that we have, over here. I can argue with him, and you can’t. You become his woman, and you can argue with him lol. But ANYBODY else — ANNNNYYYBOOODDDYYYY ELLSSE — don’t expect to argue with him and me not be in on that.
Again, I dunno what you think this is.

We are one. WE ARE ONE. We are two individuals who are interdependent on one another. We are not dependent on people outside of this relationship. WE DONT NEED ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THIS. We are for each other because we are THIS family unit.

Once, we were trying to go on vacation and what was supposed to be a two-hour layover turned into a four-hour layover. We travel alot and we know how to travel with children — when it comes to a layover or a long flight, I make sure they have tons of little toys and coloring books and colors — I tend to steal their toys from their happy meals and store them away for times such as those.
I knew that I had just enough toys to get through the two-hour layover in Atlanta. Snacks and all that.
When it turned into a four-hour layover, I was properly screwed. The kids were fussing, they were arguing, they were crying, as soon as two hours was up lol.
That stress rolled over to me and him. WE became attitudinal, we started fussing and arguing with each other, over what I can’t even remember. But finally the plane came and people were boarding, but he had questions for the airline — what, I can’t recall. But he went over to the desk and asked his question to the flight attendant.
This chick responded in such an EXTREMELY rude manner, I was appalled (it was American Airlines, by the way). My husband’s West Indian (Caribbean), so he’s got an accent even after being here for so long. I could tell that this bitch (SORRY) had her attitude because of him being #1 Black, and #2 a foreigner.
So what happened?
Did I just leave him out there to deal with that alone, because he and I were currently at odds?
NO. I got into action, I walked up to that desk and I scolded that woman and I scolded her SO BADLY she was clutching her chest like she was having a heart attack. I SHAMED her — for SHAME!! — and I told her she was doing him like that because he was black and had an accent. She was like “Ohmagaawddd I wasn’t! I wasn’t!” Yes you were. -_- lol But THEN they somehow scurried around and found him an answer, I know that much.
AINT NO WAAAAAYYY you will get to disrespect MY husband and me not get on you. You’re on one if you think that’s the case.
And if you let women/people that aren’t wives of your husband argue with him and disrespect him? You are one disloyal bitch and you should be checked WITHIN YOURSELF and change that. You must not like him if that’s the case. You are NOT a helpmeet.

And if you think ANYTHING I’ve ever said in my blog or in my videos is wrong about relationships — let me know, but guess who’s been in the same relationship for a decade, guess who’s got all her kids by that ONE man, guess who’s husband is still VERY attracted and “attached” to her?  Guess who’s got a successful family unit that’s low on dysfunction and high on productivity?
Guess who, huh?
I suppose you’d do well to listen if you’re not doing as well as or better than we are.
And you DO know, that the ONLY reason I say these things these days is because of the monster you hating me/hating on me has caused me to become.
As I said before, all this has had a major effect on my way of thinking, a major change in my psyche. We are NOT all the same. We are NOT all on the same level and apparently we don’t have the same propensity for success. Now I get it! No WONDER people are poor, no WONDER people are fat, no WONDER people are cheating or staying in relationships where they’ve been cheated on! No WONDER the black polygynous community’s such a joke!! People calling people husband and wives and ain’t made no moves in the last year to move  in together because they doing OTHER lame bullshit. REASONS are EXCUSES. The REASON you haven’t done it yet — spare me — that’s an EXCUSE. Excuses are WEAK. Unless you’re sick, dying or dead there’s no excuses! NONE!
You guys don’t have the same drive. That’s why you’re where you are, that’s why we’re where WE are. That’s why. You lack drive. You lack productivity. You lack intelligence. You’re too prideful about the WRONG shit. Your priorities are wrong. Why is THAT what you’re caring about? Why do you have time to make fake profiles harassing people on the internet you don’t even personally know? Bwahahahaaa lames.
You’re bored. You have nothing to do because you have no goals, and if you have goals, you’re TOO LAZY to work toward them.
Disgust, distasteful, dredges-of-society people.
You have nothing of substance going on in your lives. 

Why y’all choose to be on THAT team, is BEYOND me. I don’t get it.  But you’ll stay there because of pride in the wrong shit.
And you know what? Losers have NEVER liked me.
I GUESS THATS A BLESSING.

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